Acceptance of me!

Red,
Lines of red, 
Trails of red, 
Streams of red, 
But when there’s silence, 
The healing begins. 

As the rain falls,

It’s heavy and dreary,

Eventually it clears, 

There is now an overcast,

What a mess it leaves,

The puddles are soon to dry, 

You take your first step outside, 

Not noticing I….

-Miracle Robinson

In the dark,

We naturally search for light, 

The faintest sign of light, 

Something to be lit.

In the dark, 

Fear is now welcome,

Welcome to those who can’t see,

Then you have to leave it; goodbye.

In the dark, 

Thoughts come to life, 

They are real and tangible,

So wired and full of emotion.

In the dark,

I selflessly look and feel for you…

I look and feel for you…

The one who makes me laugh, 

The one who makes me cry, 

The one who dries my tears,

The one who calms my soul, 

The one who makes me dream, 

The one who frantically searches for me…

The one who searches for me…

In the dark, 

I’m looking for…

I’m looking for me…

I put pen to paper

Making it my savior

Peeling back emotional layers

No time for haters

They know nothing about me

But still they doubt me

It’s the talent I posses

It’s in my blood and flesh

I came here held by chains

Now I’m being held by my brain

Just wanting to bring change

At least to one

Then I can say I won

But If I hold my tounge

And close my mouth

No words will come out

One less heart touched

One less mind reached

One less prodigy

Girls think they have to be Marilyn Monroe

Taking off their clothes

Selling their souls

Just to have soles

On their feet

Or have some food to eat

Boys out there hustlin’ on the streets

Treating women like meat

They think selling dope

Or having a ball in their hands 

Is the only stand

They can take to be great

Society makes us believe it

We conceive it

That white is right

Blinded by the opposite of 

A guiding light

But if I hold my tounge 

And close my mouth

No words will come out

Fathers trapped in cells

Schools like jails

Mothers on drugs

No one to give hugs

No one to show love

Brothas being killed

By our own

Sistas being built

To be sold

The world is so cold

Even if we do well

We’re constantly reminded

That this world is like hell

Reality is you’re still black

From the front of your body to your back

But if I hold my tongue

And close my mouth

No words will come out

So just call it a social miscarriage…

Shall I give up everything For the word “love” Everything I believe in Just for a kiss and hugs Everything I dream of To be walked over like rug

You will never understand me It was all a part of your plan See, I’m not giving up anything Just because you said “I love you” But you have no meaning You can’t even explain your reasoning

“Love” is just a word to you I guess I should have seen the clues Now I’m lost and don’t know what to do But I refuse to fall weak Like your other few

I’m in this war by myself Trying to figure it all out But I won’t be put down You can bet on that I’m sure you wish I said “I love you” back

“Love” is more than a word Through your actions It should be heard Over this constant Battle in my head Trying to remain strong And not be misled

Is sex that big of a deal I’m not willing to reveal Any part of me To be treated like a piece of meat

My morals mean more I’m willing to close the door On something we had That means I won this war I’m holding to my standards, as before…

Deserving

More…just wanting more time

More…just needing more love

More…just deserving more you

Potential is more than a word

An action that can be heard

A sight that can be seen

A dream that can be reached

An effort that can be achieved

I deserve that much from you

Emotions will arise

Thoughts will fly

Eyes will cry

Tears will dry

But only from me

I deserve that much from you

Communicate with me

Compromise with me

Care for me

Confide in me

I deserve that much from you

To be held

To be touched

To be cherished

To be loved

I deserve that much from you

If not…more

I’m not asking to be a queen

Or to be treated like a material thing

Just deserving more…

I want a guy with aspirations and dreams

Who’s not looking to get behind the scenes

Or between my legs

Or in my bed

Just in my head

He can want but dare not touch

But never want too much

Confidence is a must

I need someone I can trust

Not looking for anything sexual

I need you to be intellectual

Wanting you to be rational

Not a liar, but factual

Something to look forward to

This is about more than you,

Wanting to be satisfied

You should be better than those other guys

You get nothing more than a kiss

I know what you wish

I reply with a diss

This ain’t no open entry…

Walking, walking, walking
Keeping a steady pace
My heart starts to race
Caught in the moments embrace

I conciously ask myself
“what may it be?”
I hear someone speaking to me
Looking in every direction for a sight
Finally realizing it’s my mind say be free

Don’t know how to respond
Waiting for the next thought to respawn
Just hoping it doesn’t take too long
Contemplating what willl go wrong

Back and forth, back and forth
Similar to a relay
Wishing it would fade away
The rampant thoughts going astray
All because they have the urge to play

No idea what it may be
Then it hits me
It’s your face, I see
The thing that is driving me crazy

But why, who are you?…

Many people always ask the question why do I talk to so many women. Well, if you know me, then you know that I had a rough childhood. For the majority, I came along with no mother or father, just my grandmother, whom I love very much. At her age, it is hard for her to communicate with me on a level that I can always understand. She will not always have the answers to everything nor will she be able to relate to me.

It is hard to get through a day with someone, who has given birth to you and who you are supposed to love, if all you do is argue. Most of the time, it is not even worth the words or tears. Then again, sometimes that is all you are able to do. Pointless statements made and worthless tears fall, just wishing that she would listen and try and make up for the missing years in your life. But when it is all said and done, you come back to reality and realize that it is not going to happen. How do I approach this situation?

I am very fortunate to have people - women - near my age that can teach and relate to me. It is not the easiest thing in the world to do. You cannot open up with any and everyone and being insecure does nothing to help the situation. This is one of the roughest obstacles for me, learning how to grow up and keep my head on straight, while working to maintain a somewhat decent relationship with my mother.

Becoming a woman - or a young adult, alone - is hard enough without a father. What is worse than that is trying to do it with a mother who has no belief in you. That increases my dependency on women to teach me because I have no other alternative. I refuse to be the girl who is intelligent, but does not know how to be a woman.

I surround myself with positive, intellectual, influential, caring, strong-willed, comedic, and fun-loving women. Women who I can relate to and can relate to me. Women who have time or interest in helping me become a better person and are willing to guide me. Women who can help and want to see me be successful in life. They are who I look up to as my big sisters.

We all know that we have the occasional envious people; the ones who always have something to say about your life. The thing that gets me the most is when I am accused of being gay. Who knew that wanting to become a better woman or liking to be successful makes you gay? Why does my sexual orientation even matter? I just want to be a better person in life. Why do I have to be classified - wrongfully - because I want to grow up? I am too busy worrying about making it in life.

It is wonderful to have a person in your life, who is always there. I am not talking about just any person you are a friend to. I am talking about someone you can trust, someone that can teach you, someone that keeps up with you, and someone who cares about how you feel but keeps it real with you at the same time. That is the type of woman I surround myself with. They are the ones who make a difference in my life and there are only three of them.

Inspirational Women

No one in this world comes before my grandmother. You cannot help but love all five feet of her. Smart, graceful, loving, and extremely hilarious are all words to describe her. At 88, she has seen and been through a lot. The fact that she has raised me just makes me love her even more. Words cannot express how great of a woman she is. I love you grandma!

The next person probably does not even know how important she is to me. One word to sum her up is: amazing. That word does not even justify how great she, my big sister, is. Chantelle is awesome beyond imagination. Even though I do not know Kristin, I have to thank her for making Chantelle the big sister she is to me. Coming from a rough upbringing, Chantelle understands my struggle. She is there for me whenever I need her and is, literally, always a phone call away. Chan is the type of person who will tell you what you need to hear, whether you like it or not. Whenever you mention the words independent, wisdom, courageous, gorgeous, or pursuer you must have Chan in mind. Oh, and I must not forget, relationship guru.

Emily, Emily, Emily. I am definitely inspired by the fight in her, or her “hard head,” as she calls it. She is a cancer warrior! If you do not admire someone who has beat this disease and is beating it, you obviously have a problem. Em reminds me of Penny Taylor, a straight warrior; knowing that she is going to get knocked down but she continues on doing her. I love that aspect of her. Let us not forget that she is one of the most hilarious people I know.

The last person is Brittany Monique Reed. Yes, I just put her whole government name out there. I love this child. Brit is the big “homie.” I appreciate her to the fullest. Whenever I think of her, I think goofy, funny and intelligent. We talk everyday. She and Chan are the two people who keep me sane. She is one of those people you cannot help but love.

There are many more women who inspire me, but these four are awe-inspiring. I love and appreciate them more than they realize.